Ask with a time and a purpose

Try “I’ll be with family Thursday. Could we talk for ten minutes before dinner? I can step outside at 4 p.m. Eastern.” If you are unsure what you will want to say, give the call a simple purpose. You might want to tell someone how the day is going or talk through a plan to leave early.

Ask whether a call or text is easier for both of you. If the two of you usually speak in the evening and you will be somewhere with little privacy, pick a place you know you can use. Confirm whether 4 p.m. means your local time or theirs. Put the agreed time in the calendar with the correct time zone.

Agree what happens if the call slips

A holiday can make the time move around for your sponsor too. Ask whether to send a short text if neither of you can talk, and agree on when to try again. The AA sponsorship pamphlet explains the role of a sponsor. Our guide to asking someone to be your AA sponsor can help you start the conversation if you are new to it.

Make a second plan you control. Save the number of another person who has agreed to be available, or write down the meeting you could join. If you expect weak reception, save the details ahead of time. Give yourself a time to switch plans so you are not standing outside waiting indefinitely.

Keep the check-in small enough to use

You can start with what is happening, what you need and what you will do when you hang up. “Dinner is running late. I’m getting worn out. I’m going to take a walk, then decide when to head home.” That gives both people something concrete to talk about.

If the rest of the day goes easily, you can still keep the call or send the note you agreed on. After the visit, tell your sponsor which part of the arrangement worked for you. Our guide to sober holiday family video calls offers ways to set a start and end time when the family gathering itself is online.

Medallions to consider

If the holiday also falls near a sober anniversary, set aside time for any celebration separately. Ask before bringing a medallion into a family gathering or video call.

Both catalog photos show one-year samples. Confirm your choice in the Sobriety Time selector.

Tricolor Enchanted Crimson Topaz Sparkle

Elite crimson design with a stone-set triangle. The selector lists 18 months and annual milestones from 1 to 65 years.

Tricolor Glittering Aqua

Deluxe aqua design with a white triangle. The selector lists 24 hours, 18 months and annual milestones from 1 to 50 years.

Common questions

What if my sponsor is traveling?

Ask what is practical for them. Agree on another person or meeting you can contact during the gap.

Do I need to explain the whole family situation?

Give enough detail to make the check-in useful. You can bring up more when you have privacy and time.