Remembering an AA Member: Respect Wishes and Anonymity
When someone from AA dies, friends may want to share memories, attend a funeral or offer the family a keepsake. Begin with what the person had expressed and what the family wants now. Your own memories can be shared carefully without identifying other members or publishing their stories.
Find out what is being arranged
Use a person the family has designated for practical questions where possible. Ask whether there is a public notice to share, what kind of gathering is planned and whether the family welcomes attendance. Avoid forwarding a private address or unconfirmed arrangements to a large contact list.
Offer one concrete task you can actually complete. You might bring a meal at an agreed time or help someone get to the venue. Let the family decline. They may already have help or prefer fewer decisions and visits.
Check permission before identifying a member
AA’s published questions about anonymity after a member’s death explain that the final decision about a deceased member’s identification rests with the family, while the anonymity of living members should be respected. Ask about public wording before posting.
A photograph from a meeting or anniversary may include living members who have never agreed to be identified publicly. Permission concerning one person does not cover everyone in the picture. Choose another image or a private message if the necessary permissions are missing.
An obituary, public memorial page and conversation among close friends reach different audiences. Describe what you are proposing to share and where. A memory can mention the kindness someone showed you without giving names and details about other people’s recovery.
Share your memory at the scale that fits
A note might say, “I remember how you made time to welcome me when I was new. I am grateful for those conversations.” Write what you remember yourself. Avoid speaking on behalf of every member or claiming to know private parts of the person’s life.
Long sobriety may be part of how friends remember a member. Our article on the term oldtimer in AA discusses that familiar description. Use it only where the context and permissions suit the audience, and leave space for the family’s own understanding of the person.
Ask before offering an anniversary-style object
The family may want to keep an existing medallion, give it to a chosen person or decide later. Respect that choice. If you own an object you wish to offer, explain what it is and any history you can document without asking for an immediate decision.
A new numbered coin can be confusing as a memorial gift if nobody has confirmed what year it should show or whether the family wants it. The medallions below are current personal AA sobriety options for separately confirmed occasions. They are not automatically appropriate for a memorial.
Our guide to passing on a sobriety coin covers discussing a keepsake and its story. If you are looking at an older item, the secondhand coin guide explains checking the object’s history before repeating it.
Keep a promise you make to the family, such as delivering a note or returning a photograph. After the immediate arrangements, you can ask whether a later call or visit would be welcome. Follow their answer and the timing they choose.
Medallions to consider
For a separate, confirmed AA sobriety anniversary, these are two current personal gift options. Ask the intended recipient about the occasion and design before ordering.
Tricolor Glittering Purple Diamond Sparkle (1-50y)
The current selector lists 1 to 50 years. The main photograph shows one sample inscription. Choose the confirmed milestone in the selector and check the order.
Tricolor Opulent Deep Blue (24h, 1-65y)
The current selector lists 24 Hours, 18 Months and 1 to 65 years. The main photograph shows one sample inscription. Choose the confirmed milestone in the selector and check the order.
Common questions
Can I publish that a deceased friend was in AA?
Check the family’s decision and the person’s expressed wishes. Protect living members’ anonymity in the wording, photographs and stories you share.
Should I buy the family a sobriety medallion?
Ask first. They may prefer a personal note, practical help, an existing keepsake or time before deciding.
Keep reading
Compare current designs in Elite Medallions and Deluxe Coins, then check the available milestone options on the product page.
